Five Ways You Know She Is From Temecula

5 Ways You Know She Is A Temecula Girl

Temecula is home to well over 100,000 people today, and although I am no math major I think it is safe to say roughly 50,000 of those residents are female. Some Temecula women are crazy soccer moms who text while driving their children to school events and others are wine-drinking enthusiasts who get sauced in their best FreePeople skirts at one of the many lovely wineries Temecula has to offer. The Beach Boys once said, “I wish they all could be California girls”, but they were probably not singing about Temecula girls. Regardless, here are the top five ways you can tell a woman is from Temecula!

She Has Tattoos

Tattoos are trendy now and there is nothing wrong with that at all. Hipster chicks everywhere are now rocking ink and that is rad, but Temecula chicks have been getting shitty tattoos since the 1990s or basically way before it was mainstream. Whether it be a tramp stamp on the low back or a full sleeve of meaningless flowery bullshit, you know she is probably from Temecula if she has tattoos. And most likely she got those tattoos from Jason Medina or Thatcher Demamiel.

Her Ex-Boyfriend Drove A Lifted Truck

Every girl has a dating history and that is totally fine, but between 2003-2009 girls from Temecula loved guys who drove lifted trucks. Sure he probably went to Glamis one time and therefore needed to buy a truck with 4-wheel drive, and the lift kit was insurance if Lake Skinner were ever to overflow and flood the Temecula Valley. I get it. But there was a time investing in a lifted truck was the sure fire way to bag a Temecula girl.

She Has A “I Blacked Out At The Winery” Story

The wineries market themselves as classy establishments that offer a little R&R for anyone wanting a little peace and quiet, but the Temecula wineries are where many females have drank themselves stupid. It does not matter if it is a red, white or glass of champagne, the Temecula wineries have blacked more girls out than Bill Cosby in the 1980s. So yeah if she mentions something about blacking out during a bachelorette party, 30th birthday party or whatever reason it was to book a limo and get trashed at Wilson Creek, Ponte or South Coast winery then she is probably from Temecula.

She Is Married With Children And Saving For Breast Implants

Sure she might have a little organic garden in her backyard, has taken some yoga classes and occasionally shops at Trader Joe’s but don’t let that fool you into thinking she is some sort of new-age hippie into the simple life. If she is from Temecula she is likely putting any savings money not into a college fund for her kids but into a bigger boobies fund. Look there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting bigger boobs. Lots of teenage girls think that way, but when she is 30+, with kids and talking about new ta-tas well it is very likely she is from Temecula. And if things don’t ever work for her selling candles, weight-loss shakes or whatever network marketing scheme is popular at the time, maybe she can get a job at Tilted Kilt during the weekdays when the crowd is a little rougher and customers don’t mind seeing something with a little more mileage on it.

She Is On Temecula Valley Talk Facebook Group…But Hates Drama

Well yeah if she is on a Facebook group called “Temecula Valley Talk” it makes sense she is from Temecula becasue you are not an idiot and understand that. However, those groups have people from all over Riverside County such as Canyon Lake, Menifee and the spectacular vacation city of Hemet. But the girls from Temecula are the ones who typically comment that they don’t like drama and feel the need to always state they are “a good person”. Well only a Temecula girl would stir up a bunch of drama, state they don’t like drama and then of course close it all by saying she is “a good person”. if that sounds like someone you recently met well you likely met a Temecula woman.

This article is meant to be satire and in no way offend the many awesome, kind, compassionate, drunken, soccer moms saving for breast implants who call Temecula home. Our GPS car tracking creative writer simply got drunk at the Promenade Mall and wanted to write a story not related to auto security.