5 Ways You Know He Is A Temecula Guy
What was once a small town nestled between Orange and San Diego counties, Temecula has quickly become one of the most popular locations for suburban families looking to set up shop and make a home. Temecula is now identified by the slightly overweight soccer mom driving a SUV while rocking both a designer handbag and at least 5 figures of debt. And dammit it if that's not an amazingly American way to live! Cheers to all those ladies and all of their Starbucks glory. But what about the Temecula men? In a effort to promote equality our editors have decided to write a follow up to the popular article "5 ways you know she is from Temecula" by providing valuable information about how the ladies can tell if a man is from Temecula. Here are the top 5 ways you can tell he is from Temecula!
1. He's "Friends" With Mike Metzger or Dan Henderson
Two of the more famous Temecula area residents are freestyle motorcycle riding icon Mike Metzger and one of the greatest MMA fighters of all time in Dan Henderson. These two men have reached the pinnacle of their respective sports so it is no coincidence many Temecula area guys try to name drop Metzger or Hendo to make themselves appear "cooler" to others. Sure maybe he saw Hendo at Gin Sushi and sniffed his chair after Hendo left, or maybe even got a flaming dolphin tattoo from Metzger, but that doesn't mean he is friends with either. It does however mean he is from Temecula.
2. He Hates Temecula But Will Never Leave
One of the ways you can tell he is from Temecula is how quick he will be to say the city sucks and that he wants to move away to somewhere cool such as San Diego. He said this when he was in his teens, twenties and probably now if he is in his thirties or forties. He will say Temecula is full of drama and that the city is lame but guess what? He will never move. It won't happen under any circumstance. Maybe it is because he only has 2 years of education at MSJC completed or maybe it's because parking his lifted truck in downtown San Diego is nearly impossible. Either way he is not leaving Temecula. Your best bet is maybe a date night with him away from Guadalajara's to a restaurant in Escondido.
3. He Drinks Good Beer
While the rest of the country is crushing Bud Lights and Patron like a bunch of college girls, guys in Temecula are pounding the IPAs. Whether it be Grapefruit Sculpin at Ballast Point Brewery or some Tower 10 IPAs at Karl Strauss Brewery, Temecula guys may not have 401Ks but they certainly have good taste in booze.
4. It's A Sleeve Or Nothing
Tattoos are trendy in Temecula and this is supported by the fact that their are now over 20 tattoo shops in the Temecula/Murrieta area. That's f***ing right, 20+. Think about it in this context, it is more than all the local Alberto's, Alberta's and Jilberto's Mexican food restaurants combined! That's nuts. However, a guy from Temecula doesn't just go into tattoo shop and request a flaming dolphin or gingerbread man, he must have a full sleeve or nothing. See Temecula guys (and many girls) don't like the minimalist hipster tattoos. Temecula guys want full sleeves decorated with koi fish, skulls, some Tim Burton crap or a bunch of other meaningless bullshit. So when you see a guy cruising around the round bar at Pechanga in all his full sleeve inked out glory know that he is 100% from Temecula.
5. He Was Part Of A "Gang" Called Metal Mulisha
California is home to some of the most dangerous gangs in the world such as the bloods and 18th Street gangs in Los Angeles, but Temecula is also home to a gang known as the "Metal Mulisha". Well they aren't really a gang as much as a group of people who wear black shirts, flat bill hats and black socks while talking about riding dirt bikes and hanging out at places such as the Tilted Kilt. Regardless, if you see some dude cruising around dressed between a mix of Johnny Cash's all black style and a teenager who just started his own tee shirt company, he is probably from Temecula.
This article is meant to be satire and in no way offend the men who call Temecula home. Our GPS Car Tracking writing staff simply got drunk at the Promenade Mall and wanted to write a story not related to GPS automotive security.